Updated: Jun 29
What kind of person quits a job and gets talked into staying?
While this may seem laughable, it's been a source of continuous stress for the past 14 months. You know that square peg, round hole thing? Yeah, it's real and it's what I've attempted to do. It hasn’t worked. And over time, it’s gotten worse.
Each time I have resigned, my boss offers positive affirmations, makes promises, and eventually talks me into staying. But none of those promises have materialized. I keep hoping. Waiting. Nothing.
My husband, Nic, has repeatedly encouraged me to "be done" at this company, especially since it's placed me in positions that have been compromising. He's even joked about quitting for me since my resolve folds at the prospect of disappointing someone.
But yesterday, I resigned. I officially wet-signature letter resigned.
What made the difference? A couple of things.
First, my passion is to use my gifts for the Lord. I want to use what He's given me to encourage others.
A few days ago, Nic suggested that perhaps the reason no doors are opening for me with my writing is because the Lord wants me to step out in faith. My jaw hit the floor. I had prayed earlier that day that if I was supposed to walk away from the paycheck, and step out in faith, that the Lord would speak that to Nic's heart as a confirmation.
Secondly, on Sunday, I heard a message about Jesus calling Matthew to follow Him. As the pastor expounded on the simple command, it hit me, I have not been following Jesus. Not fully. In January, I KNEW I was supposed to say goodbye to this job. I had prayed, sought godly counsel, and I knew. So, I quit for the 3rd time. And got talked into staying.
Now, the only person at fault in this situation is me. I should have stood on God's promises and trusted Him, but instead I cared more about disappointing the business owner. Yet, since January, I have disappointed myself for my lack of obedience and the grumbling that has settled in my spirit as a result.
I am called to follow Jesus. I am called to follow where He leads, even when it is uncomfortable, uncertain, and scary. Now, I am hoping, waiting, and trusting in the One who always makes good on His promises.
So, this morning, I pray:
Lord, forgive my self-reliance and exchange it for a spirit of obedience. I trust that Your plans are good. Your ways are higher. Realign my steps to follow closely behind yours. In Jesus Name, Amen.