When Every Door Slams Shut
Have you ever been in a season that's fraught with disappointment and confusion? That's been me for the past, almost, six months. It all began when my husband accepted a position with a company, which required we relocate from our quiet, small town in Georgia to a booming metropolis in North Carolina. Culture shock, anyone? Now, in theory, this move was supposed to provide us with more "together" time, activities to enjoy, and an overall better quality of life. However, the complete opposite has played out.
Shortly after the move, my husband's job grew in demands, and ultimately resulted in him working 60-85 hours a week with spillover into the weekends. So, even when he is home, he's either so dog exhausted that we sit around our home while he oftentimes spend Sunday evening working from his laptop.
So, while he's been working, working, working, no doors of employment have opened for me. According to LinkedIn, I have applied for 189 jobs. That's 189, plus the jobs I applied for on other websites. And out of all of those, I garnered one interview which availed to a big goose egg. Talk about a confidence killer! It's annihilated my perception of my skills, education, and experience.
So, picture this, hubby's gone all of the time, while I am home day in and out all by myself. Did I mention that I'm an extrovert? So, that makes the alone time brutal, especially after dealing with isolation from COVID over the past year. And I'm an over thinker. All the free time has given me many opportunities to go places in my mind that shouldn't be on my radar. I've beat myself up over past decisions and fallout from the consequences. I've wrestled with thoughts that I should be further along in life. I mean, I'm in my late 40's and still don't have a career. Shame, doubt, and fear have pursued me with the intent of rendering me helpless, incapable.
Yet, my God tells me His purposes prevail, no matter what well-thought out plans I construct (Proverbs 19:21). As lonely and isolating as this season has been, I rejoice that it has been a time of strong communion and growth in the Lord, It has also provided me with time to pursue a lifelong dream of writing a novel. Special thanks to my hubby, for his continued support and encouragement, and providing tissues to dry my tears. Additionally, the Lord has revealed deep truths to my husband in this season that he would not have learned otherwise. And as a couple, our hearts have grown in longing for one another even more because of the absence.
As I write this, it appears the Lord is about to lead us into a new season. But I will remain grateful for the times of incredible loneliness, when He has held me close and whispered truth to my heart. For the days that I've wrestled with the broken places, only to have Him remind me that He has redeemed and restored them for His glory. For the opportunity to take a step back, and prayerfully consider our priorities as a couple. For the grace to continue to walk with Jesus throughout every season in life. Soli Deo Gloria!